One year of working as an employee, one year of not asking financial support from my family, one year of paying my own bills, one year in real life.
How was I?
Well, it’s been really tough. I never thought real life can be this challenging.
I’ve been battling a lot of issues, problems, bugs, dramas, and emotional problems for the whole year, and man that was really hard.
I thought it was cool to earn your own money, buy your own stuff, and just live a life without any major responsibilities (aside from work).
But I was dead wrong. I was even more obligated than ever, especially with my family. I had to help them with financial needs, especially now that my parents are old and really tired working their ass off just for us to finish our studies. And now that I have the job, it’s time to pay back. I have to help on my brother’s school tuition and school needs. I know now how hard it is to be a parent, and I realized how an asshole I am when I was a student for asking my folks too much money just to buy me some goodies. I learned that lesson by being in their shoes this year.
I was even challenged emotionally. I am most of the time irate, problematic, unfocused and unhappy. And you know what sucks? I don’t know why. It’s just that I have these moments when I’m in this dark aura, and after an hour or so, I’m good. I’m weird that way. I was happier when I was a student. Maybe because when I was a student, I get really happy when I get big grades on exams, acing programming test, or hanging out with friends all the time. But now, you don’t get any of these that much often. At the end of the day, you don’t get a star on your paper when you fix a bug, or a pat on the back when you build a feature. You don’t get those things in a workplace in a daily basis. And it’s okay. That’s the way it is. You don’t always get approval and praise, people are too busy for that. Maybe I was just used to school-ish feel of everything that you get a reward when you do something great. Maybe I’m still not adjusting to the whole working-in-real-life thing. And I needed to. But I’m happy I’m doing great, because I think I’m doing good on what I do.
On the side note, people also tend to avoid me (in my own opinion). I don’t know why. Maybe because I’m that confusing as a person. Sometimes I’m in the mood, and sometimes I’m not. Sometimes I’m the loud-talker, sometimes the listener, and most of the time, I’m the wallflower. Someone told me that someone said it’s hard to be with me because I’m complicated. Well it’s true, I’m really complicated, and it’s really hard for me to adjust with people. But I’m not that hard to associate with, people just don’t get me.
But despite all these problems and OA/paranoid feeling I’ve been experiencing, I’m still blessed. Good thing I have good friends both at work and outside. Even though I’m feeling down, I have them to make me feel happy. It’s hard to socialize when you’re a programmer but I’m happy I still did. I know I’m still not the person I wanted myself to be (the happy, chill type), but I’m beginning to understand the complexity and weirdness of real life. It’s not easy to be a happy when you are tailed with problems and all the things going on with your life. But at least every now and then I get to get rid of those problems one by one everyday.
I know I’m not that accomplished yet as a person, but I’m trying real hard to be one. I want to improve more in my skills, and my physical and emotional health. I need to continue do great things, and do it at my best. I don’t need people to dictate me what to do with my life. This what makes real life awesome, you get to make your own choices and choose which way to take on your journey.
I hope the next year will turn out great for me. *crossing my fingers*